Grief and Loss: Finding Support

Loss becomes a more frequent part of life as we grow older. We may lose a spouse or partner, siblings, friends, pets, a home, independence or good health. Grief is the natural response to these losses. It is not a problem to be solved, but an experience to move through, and it looks different for everyone.

What grief can feel like

Grief affects people in many ways, including:

• Sadness, longing, anger, guilt or numbness
• Trouble sleeping or sleeping more than usual
• Changes in appetite
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Feeling tired or physically unwell
• Waves of emotion triggered by memories, places, songs or dates

Feelings often come and go. You may have good days followed by hard ones. Holidays, anniversaries and birthdays can be especially difficult.

There is no right timeline

Some people feel stronger after a few months, while for others it takes much longer. Grief often changes over time, becoming less intense, but it may never disappear completely. Many people describe learning to carry their loss alongside a meaningful life.

Caring for yourself

Take care of the basics. Try to eat regular meals, drink water, get some rest and take short walks, even when you do not feel like it.

Keep your doctor informed. Grief can affect your health. Let your doctor know about your loss, especially if you have trouble sleeping or eating.

Be careful with big decisions. If possible, wait before making major changes like selling a home or moving.

Accept help. Let friends and family bring meals, run errands or simply keep you company. People often want to help but do not know how, so it is fine to tell them what you need.

Honor the memory. Some people find comfort in looking at photos, writing letters to the person who died, planting a tree, cooking a favorite recipe or volunteering for a cause their loved one cared about.

Allow yourself moments of joy. Laughing or enjoying something does not mean you have forgotten your loved one.

Practical matters after the loss of a spouse

The death of a spouse often brings practical tasks, such as notifying Social Security, reviewing survivor benefits, updating accounts and handling paperwork. Take these one at a time, and ask a trusted family member, friend or professional for help. Be cautious about unsolicited calls or offers, since scammers sometimes target people who have recently lost a spouse.

Where to find support

• Grief support groups, offered by hospitals, hospices, places of worship and community centers. Many are free and open to anyone.
• Hospice bereavement programs, which often provide support to families for a year or more after a death, even if the person was not in hospice.
• Counselors and therapists. Medicare Part B covers certain mental health services.
• Faith leaders and spiritual communities.
• Your local Area Agency on Aging, which can connect you with services. Call the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116.

When to seek more help

Talk to your doctor if, after some time, grief makes it very hard to function day to day, or if you feel hopeless, cannot stop thinking about the loss, or withdraw from others completely. These can be signs that you would benefit from additional support.

If you are thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline any time.

Supporting someone who is grieving

Listen more than you speak, mention their loved one by name, offer specific help and keep checking in during the months after the funeral, when support often fades.